I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
