Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
