I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
