I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
