if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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