I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
