awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
