Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
