Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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