it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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