Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
