She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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