Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.