I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo