You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel