btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think about you every night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up