i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
