I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
