If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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