Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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