I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
