went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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