you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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