We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
