She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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