I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
