I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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