i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
