we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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