my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
