Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
