you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i believe in u and ur pee
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
