I think i peed on brittanys purse
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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