Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
