There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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