You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
