so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
