if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
