i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
