I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
