The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize