yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
