He had one of those small greek statue penises
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
