I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
