He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
