According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
