omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
