If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar