You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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