I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize