$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to get me chipped asap
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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