After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
