Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
