Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
