I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
