I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
