Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
