What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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