He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
