you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
