While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
